cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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