I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
