you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
