Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
