omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
