drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
