I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
