i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
