Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
