i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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