At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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