Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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