We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
