Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
