I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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