At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
