omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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