I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
