Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
