problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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