so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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