lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
