It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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