I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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