Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
