Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
