i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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