I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
