I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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