Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize