he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
