All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
