God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
