she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
