belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
