i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
