I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
