i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
