Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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