There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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