Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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