i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
