Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
