What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
