make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
