There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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