I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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