He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize