don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
