Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
