i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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