ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
