My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
