i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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