i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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