got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
