i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
