You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
