and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
