youre lurking in front of me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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