He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
