he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
