I can't watch pbs sober anymore
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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