I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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