If that was your dad, he is hot
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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