this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
