you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
